Hand drawing illustration of love concept


I just got off the phone with yet another woman who seems to have it all together.  She is a physician with a successful practice.  Well respected in her community.  Has great friends and feels good about her health and her appearance. 

Sadly she is trapped in FOMO-FOCA and, as great as her life looks on the outside, inside she is filled with fear and doubt and her life is a living hell.

And the worst part of FOMO-FOCA is that she was riddled with anxiety and it is overflowing into her work and her health.  She can’t sleep, she has worry headaches and she constantly feels drained.  She is starting to doubt herself at work and question her career and her future.

Truth of the matter is, it doesn’t matter how great things look from the outside, if you’re not thriving on the inside.  If you’re filled with fear and doubt, it begins to rot everything else in your life.

Now most of you probably know that FOMO stands for fear of missing out.  Well FOCA stands  for fear of chasing away. 

When you put these two together it creates a trap and quickly erodes your self confidence and puts you in a constant state of worry.

When you are in FOMO you will water yourself down and present yourself online and in person very generically.  You use inclusive words (words that include everyone) when describing what you are looking for in a partner like this:  “I want a guy who is fun and funny, who is health minded and successful and likes to travel.”

Everyman alive thinks that on some level he is fun and funny and thinks about his health in some way and considers himself successful and likes to travel (at least to the local bar.)  Problem is, this means everyone qualifies as what you are looking for.

So you get all these guys contacting you who, in your eyes, are clearly not a match, and it’s exhausting digging through all these inconsiderate men who are wasting your time.  Why would they do this? 

The truth is the high quality man you are looking for is not attracted to your generic FOMO presentation of yourself.  So it makes sense that your low vibration, generic description of you and what you’re looking for ends up attracting low vibration, low quality guys.

It can lead you to believe there just aren’t any quality guys out there, so why bother.

Eventually you get tired and settle on a man who is “nice enough,” which is when you head into FOCA.  This is the fear that if you reveal the real you it will chase him away. 

It took so much time and energy to finally find someone and now you worry that if you really let him know your intelligent, quirky, goofy self he will not like it and leave.

This is how you lose yourself in a relationship.  It feels unsafe to be you. 

This is more common than you may think.  I have helped women even when they literally did not recognize themselves when the got out of a relationship, because they had done such a complete job of compromising themselves to try and keep him from leaving. And the relationship ended anyway.

Bottom line: if you don’t fix FOMO-FOCA soon, and create space for you to thrive in your relationships, you are going to stay in a cycle of dead end relationships with low quality men where you don’t feel safe to be you and have no hope of your relationship succeeding long term.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. While most women are struggling with FOMO-FOCA, a small handful of smart, successful women are effortlessly attracting high quality men who love them completely, even if they’ve never had a successful relationship before in their life.

These women share their lives with mature confident men who love being their partner.  Men who love them no matter who they are or how they are.  On good days and not so good days.  They’re a team and nothing can stop them.  They love making plans and dreaming about their futures together.  They have each other’s backs and know that together they can conquer anything.

Join me today for a free online training where I’ll be pulling back the curtain and revealing what these happy, fulfilled women know that you probably don’t.

Click here now to grab your seat in the training.

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2 Responses to “FOMO-FOCA”

  1. Joëlle BERT April 11, 2019 at 2:26 am #

    I am French and I don’t know the meaning of FOMO-FOCA.
    Thank you to explain to me …

    • Ken Bechtel April 11, 2019 at 5:37 pm #

      FOMO – Fear of missing out

      FOCA – Fear of chasing away

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